Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
