I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
