my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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