So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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