So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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