U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize