no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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