At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
