You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
