Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize