I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
