i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My cat gives me a boner
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
