just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Randomize
