Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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