please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
