so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
