I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
