@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
