I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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