did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize