I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
