2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
