The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
