I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
