i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
