And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
