I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
