True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
