the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize