I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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