So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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