if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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