I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize