shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
