I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
