just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
