I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
