I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
