if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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