i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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