I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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