Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
