sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
