why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
