There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
