In the future we'll all be gay
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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