Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
