i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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