? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
