I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
