it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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