do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
