you turned your livingroom into a bong?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
