We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
