yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
