im six kinds of drunk right now
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Of course I have a pirate flag
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
