Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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