my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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