I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
