Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
