Just fell off a train. Bad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
