Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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