Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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