The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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