Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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