And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
