just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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