Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
