if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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