I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
