she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
