I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
